I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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