I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
