I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
