how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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