you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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