went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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