it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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