What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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