The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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