Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
