Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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