Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
