Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
