Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My ass is underappreciated
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
