if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
