I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
