everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
