I will die if light touches me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
