you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
