went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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