the new term for farting is butt boxing.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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