when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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