He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
