Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
