Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
