No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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