Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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