im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
