So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
