dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
