so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
