Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
