I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
