All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
