Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
