This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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