im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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