I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
