I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Say something about gay babies.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
