dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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