I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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