I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
