are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
