she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
