we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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