i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
