Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
