I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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