she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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