About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
