Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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