so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
