I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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