he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
