I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She bit a glass in half.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
