I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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