Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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