No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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