You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
