She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
