you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He better not be in your backpack
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
