im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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