I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
