I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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