and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
