Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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