last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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