a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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