The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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