My hand turned me down
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
