i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
