just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
