Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize