He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
