My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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