I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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