There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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