I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
