trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
