she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
