I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
