look no pants
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
