I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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