The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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