You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
