the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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