New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
