hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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