We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Couch. On fire.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
