Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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