There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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