just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
