she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
