the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize