quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So squirting runs in the family.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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